I’m not busy!

I’m not ‘busy’. I’m not ‘knackered’. I’m not ‘back to back’. Dare I say that?

I have made conscious choices to do less, have more space, say no to things that are no longer heartfelt… and yet in this space things come up – what does this mean for me sense of value and self-worth?; am I doing enough?. Inner criticism feeds on ideas that to be loved and worthy you should be contributing endless deep beautiful work (and always busy), knowing that there is much to do and much urgency. Sometimes I collapse under that, believe i am not enough, that if my life was worthwhile i would have more to offer. Sometimes I don’t see what i can do that’s useful, heartfelt and authentic, and there is some shame.

Yet when i check, it seems like wisdom to allow space for reflection and integration, to wait and rest until i see more clearly what to do.

This is my practice with shame – speak it aloud and see that the world doesn’t collapse when I admit what is already true. I feel my body tense up as i type, can i admit this in public? Yes, it is true, honest, and also kind of exciting, freeing!

I’d love to hear any reflections, if any of this resonates – how is it for you when you stop being busy?

Originally posted on reconnect.works – an initiative to support collaboration, based in Hebden Bridge.